Blog Confessions — Junk Food
Lately I've been thinking about the whole health and fitness blogging world and where I fit in with the culture surrounding it… One of my main intentions when I started Yoi Dachi was to be 100% honest, even if that meant admitting my faults at times (cos come on, we all have them). This is a rule that's gonna stay, so if you ever have questions then fire away. I want to show how real life works, how real women live and that if you don't have that perfect 'social media lifestyle' then who gives a fuck. I'm bored of that bullshit, and I'm sure plenty of you are too.
So here we have Blog Confessions. I've decided I'm gonna write about a 'taboo' subject once in a while that paints me as much less than perfect — but also shows that I don't wanna be perfect. And you shouldn't either.
Confession #1 — J U N K F O O D
I love junk food. Like, more than life itself. I have to squash those cravings so often it's sometimes tiring, and leaves me wondering why the hell I'm so focused on it. I've even googled junk food addiction, I'm that bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love the effects healthy food has on my body and mind. I appreciate the taste of an amazing nourishing meal, and feel so good for looking after myself. But I just can't silence that voice… all it tastes is a slight scent of fried chicken and I'm like a woman possessed until I get hold of it.
These days, I've learned to accept this and balance my diet accordingly so that I can treat myself to take out. I know how bad it is for my body, yet have begun to realise that my happiness is more important. So many people are suffering from eating disorders such as orthorexia these days — the dangerous obsession with eating nothing but clean food. Our minds get carried away with the idea of being perfectly clean and it's just not healthy.
Personally, I've been through phases of eating amazingly clean for months and being happy with the way my body looks, and how I'm feeling. But there are times when things aren't going so great and I just want to reach for something comforting. After my clean periods, I would normally end up binging for about a week, eating everything that I could get my hands on. One day I went through a 12 pack of muffins, a large bag of Haribo, two packs of sushi, two bags of crisps and a kinder bueno. For my lunch.
I'm VERY lucky in that I never really gained weight doing this as I always trained, but mentally it wasn't good for me at all. I felt guilty and disgusting, and swore I'd never do it again… only to repeat it the next day. Remember the Sex & the City scene where Miranda has to cover the cake in washing up liquid so that she won't eat it from the bin? That was me.
But then I'd bounce back into my clean habits a few weeks later, thinking everything was fine. Even writing this now just feels insane to me, but I was totally lost in it.
Balance. That's what it's all about. Nobody wants to be the person who can't go out to eat with friends because there's nothing on the menu that won't pollute their diet. No-one wants to avoid the birthday party because of how many calories are in a vodka and coke. I'm not saying we should let go and do these things every day, but in moderation why not. I'm aware some people have no interest in this and can eat healthily 24/7 without batting an eyelid, but that just isn't me. I love chips.
I've vowed to let myself eat naughty things every so often, as long as I train and more importantly, enjoy the food I'm eating. What's the point of living life without letting ourselves enjoy the small things? I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm balanced. That's all I want.